The Problem with Telling People to Bring their Best Selves to Work

I recently had a conversation with an executive about some group coaching that she and her team had received. One of the key takeaways was that “employees shouldn’t bring their whole selves to work; they should bring their best selves.”

Now I wasn’t there and don’t know what else was said, but this kind of advice always gives me pause, and here’s why: most people are not cognizant of the fact that they are bringing anything but their best selves to work. Our perspectives and behaviors are based on entrenched schemas and a lifetime of past experiences, so barring obvious indiscretions like coming to work drunk or broadcasting your late-night shenanigans, asking people to extricate their “best selves” from their whole selves is like asking a fish to have a conscious understanding of the fact that they are in water. 

Our whole selves are always expressing themselves, whether we are conscious of this or not, and the more we try to repress our natural tendencies, the more pronounced they become. As the saying goes, what we resist, persists. So, while it may sound perfectly reasonable to ask your employees to bring their best selves to work, research shows that 95% of the thinking that drives our decisions and behaviors occurs unconsciously. We are not even aware of it. If we could simply leave behind the parts of ourselves that we deem unsavory, we’d choose to bring our best selves (and only our best selves!) to all the important relationships in our lives: our friendships, our marriages, our jobs, and so forth. But we know that in spite of our best efforts, we bring our whole selves (our backgrounds, beliefs, experiences and unconscious wounding) to all our interactions.

Rooting out the behaviors that are not serving us personally or professionally, and laying the groundwork for lasting change requires inner work that goes beyond traditional coaching. In order to make sustainable changes to our behaviors, we have to be willing to identify, examine, and challenge the core beliefs that are driving them.

When we view our challenges through a holistic lens, and address the root causes of our obstacles, we can effectively transform the parts of ourselves that are holding us back in ALL areas of our lives so that our “best selves” and our whole selves become one and the same.

Start laying the groundwork for lasting change in both your professional AND personal life by reaching out today.